this time round
22 May 2008 9:36 a.m.
Wooooooooo, this baby certainly is moving enough to be male. Matthew never stopped from the time I felt the first movements and he still is never still - almost 5 years on.
It seems funny to think that this was about the time 5 years ago I was beginning to suspect I was pregnant with him. It was morning sickness on the day of my best friends wedding as I was bridesmaid that it really dawned on me and I was 100% sure that I was expecting a baby. It was still another week before I took a test and I think I announced it in my diary the start of June.
The day before Sharons wedding I was emotional and even wrote THIS guarded message. It was only until well after the wedding that I said anything.
This time I think I am more at ease with this pregnancy. I am not stressing like I was before and I am in a good relationship that doesn't feel like it could snap at any moment.
I married my ex in September 2003 as I was 5 months pregnant. I didn't want to marry even then but I wanted more security for my baby and maybe I was just naive enough to think that being married would make a fragile relationship work that little bit better.
This time I think of myself as stronger and wiser to name just a couple of improvements on myself as a person.
I want this baby to have a better start than matthew. That makes me feel like I have let Matthew down a little though.
Thankfully, we do learn from our previous mistakes.