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25 Weeks
22 July 2008 - 3:55 p.m.
Bf is working away this week and I actually slept REALLY well last night when he wasn't there. I think I have the crap side of the bed. So that's the good bit for this entry.
Physically, I am feeling great.
Mentally, a bit of a wreck. I have too much time to think sometimes and I am not having the best start to the week.
I got upset over a couple of things yesterday (see main diary) when I was already feeling down about myself.
I love being pregnant. I love my baby bump. I just feel crap about the rest of my weight once again.
I feel like I've doubled in size in the past two weeks. Not just the bump but everything else from my upper arms to my ankles. At least my head seems to feel the right size and shape if nothing else.
It didn't help when I ended up having the first big binge for probably close to a year last night because I was feeling so crap about everything that crossed my mind yesterday. The bad mood made me want to eat loads. I did and in the end that just made me feel even more crap. It's a vicious circle and I thought I was out of this binge eating cycle that seemed to end around the same time as my marriage did. I had been doing so well and now I feel like I have let myself down.
I also feel like a bad mum at the moment. Because I was stressed yesterday I feel like I am being so snappy towards Matthew. I feel like he is being smothered by baby information and that maybe I am not focussing on him as much as I should be. Again, it's probably still all in my head as I seem to be looking for ways to beat myself up and the more I do, the more snappy I seem to be with everyone else. Then I hate myself for it.
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